Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be. – Zig Ziglar
this post is coming way, way later than anticipated, and for that i’m sorry. it’s gonna be really long to make up for this, so you may want to grab a coffee or a lo-fi spotify playlist before beginning. 🙂
however – there is very good reason why i haven’t been posting about the events of the past few months: everything has been flying by, and i have been hanging on with scant more than overly cramped fingertips and prayers that i won’t get flung off course.
this isn’t even a humblebrag – it’s the truth. i’ve been given crazy opportunities in the form of gifts, support, health and positive affirmations that i’m on the right road, i’m doing something worth a damn.
in july, i represented mixer at the first ever halo outpost tour stop. i spent hours onstage streaming both alone and with other partners, and participated in panels on what it means to be a partner on the platform. i was proud to do it, and eager to do more.
in august, i celebrated two whole damn years of streaming. i retraced the path from the beginning – streaming directly from the living room xbox, while sitting in a dining room chair, and nothing else save for my voice whenever i remembered to unmute the mic and nearly seizing with fear over what exactly to say to carry on a whole two hour stream – to now, two year veteran, partnered for 6 months (at that point – 9 now!!), streamed from a convention with my best friend, networked with game devs, streamed officially as a rep for the platform i call home, spoken on panels, participated in a charity relay…it’s been quite a journey so far, and only more is on the horizon.
to celebrate, i bought all the pieces to build a streaming pc, solely from stream income received since partnership. i streamed the build, and successfully booted first try even though i was sure catastrophe was right around the corner every time i dropped yet another impossibly tiny screw into the case. i was also given a ton of games from friends upon the discovery that i had a single game in my steam library. i may have cried after rounding up all the keys.
(i definitely cried.)
i headed back to seattle, learned i loved the scene and the cuisine so much i’m considering visiting when it isn’t a blackout holiday weekend, wore some pretty awesome shoes, and started a little phenomenon in #tinysteiny. the idea came from having observed the uncanny ability of @steinekin (on twitter/insta) to appear everywhere – shoutcasting, roaming hosting, constantly traveling, constantly in and out of meetings. it reminded me of the story of flat stanley, one that many of us learned during our formative years. in january i made the connection; in march, during pax east, i cautiously approached him with the idea (not wanting to get on any bad sides or shitlists) to which he graciously agreed with the caveat that i get his good side. fast forward to august, where #tinysteiny was born. apparently it brought a lot of amusement 🙂 strengthened friendships and my resolve to do more in the gaming space/industry, and i was invigorated yet again.
august also held a lot of promise in the form of something i’d been wanting to manifest and foster – the opportunity to work with To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA). this was a nonprofit organization that i’d heard of back in the day but had lost track of, and now that i’d gotten to a more stable point in my life with my small little stage, i wanted to start giving back by raising funds and awareness.
in september, i got to participate in my first TWLOHA fundraiser, and i can’t wait to see what’s coming down the line next. (thought i heard something around the new year…?) i also got to attend their annual show called heavy + light, finally set up my streamloots partnership and xsplit affiliate accounts, and broke seven thousand followers on mixer. i got bombarded with love and support from my community and others i’ve joined and made extensions of my little bubble, and i’m pretty sure i cried then too.
in october, i had a lot of self-doubt. a lot of burnout, a lot of grated nerves, and a lot of lost patience. and that’s okay. with the help of friends i got through it, and i’m stronger on the other side from it. also, i painted and sang my heart out in front of people for hours in the name of people stronger than i could ever hope to be, played a handful of games that have instantly come to be all-time favorites (untitled goose game, donut county, and granny simulator), and i dressed as melisandre and went to an awesome outdoor halloween party in the woods, hosted by longtime friends.
this month, i took things easy. i just regrouped and refocused my stream on what makes me happiest and most comfortable, did my first overnight stream, got partnered with tiltednation, and got affiliated on twitch.
wait hang on a sec-
no, that’s right-
yes, i’m also affiliated on twitch.
it happened so quickly i didn’t really have time to hammer it home a bunch, or even announce it via social media. i was experimenting with streaming there to see how i’d like it, and to see if there’s a space for me over there. turns out, there may be, but the long term effects remain to be seen since it’s only been a month since i started streaming there. i don’t know a ton of lingo, culture or even how the dashboard works, but i’ll learn as i go.
i want to point out that this means nothing new or different as far as mixer streams go – for months i had been contemplating adding another dedicated stream day to my schedule, and i’m still doing just that – it’s just that the day will be a dedicated twitch stream. i’m planning on doing more paint streams there in addition to leveling/grinding and various games testing. ideally, i’d like for this twitch stream to be like the dlc to a game – you may not be interested in the extra content, but it’s there if you’d like to add it to the experience.
i’m not even bringing up december because i have surprises that are still in the idea stage, and i also don’t want to guilt myself into rushing to do things because i posted about them on my blog~ so, instead, i’ll wait until they’re happening or have happened, and then report back on how things went. 🙂
i’ve still got so much to do, catch up with, add onto, reconcile and slog through – but the things that have happened along the way are the best sorts of distractions. throughout all of this i have remained beyond a shadow of a doubt grateful for every second spent with friends, followers and supporters. i’ve been vocal about my thankfulness more than just during the month of november for a trendy hashtag – but i’ve really tried to hone in on it this month as this year draws to a close. i’m quickly approaching nine thousand followers – and i think i’d probably bawl like a baby if i hit 10k by the new year or my birthday. i look back at everything that’s happened in the span of almost a year and i constantly wonder what i’ve done to deserve the fortune that i’ve gotten from just wanting to do for others and share myself and my journey with those looking for a connection, to be seen, to matter to someone. so much of my confidence, accomplishments and motivation to keep going has been and continues to be from those who walk beside me on this winding path. i can’t thank you enough.
at the start of this year, i had cleared the 2k follower mark by a good bit and i was thinking that partnership would be mine at some point, and maybe i’d do a cool thing or two.
how things change. ❤